♥ My Complicated Life

♥ Monday, May 18, 2009

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 8, Ending.

One month, two months.

Another two months has passed. Things have been progressing between Joel and I. We're kind of together now, and I stand corrected, I love him. I'm sure there would be a day when this fairytale would end, but I hope it doesn't.

Flashbacks still occur, but I try my best not to get affected. I'm not sure what Pricilla and her clique thinks of me now. I forgot to mention, they were all goo-goo over Joel. Remember the first day of his arrival? Yeah, but other than that, I've been hearing Angel and other girls saying 'Awwww, what a cute couple..' while looking at us. I'd usually blush, and Joel would try to hold back laughter.

Alice, I wonder how she's doing. Somehow I have a feeling she was playing matchmaker. Well, I can't blame her. Knowing that she always knows what's the best for me. But still, I wonder how she could tell afterall. Maybe it's just her.

Joel was picking seashells, how cute. 'How about this one?' He asked. I nodded my head. We both sat down on the sand, watching the sun set. Everything felt right, so right. Slowly, Joel leaned towards me. I looked at him, and he looked back. Before I knew what he was doing, he leaned closer, his soft, moist lips touching mine.

My first kiss.

I've never felt happier in my whole entire life. In the distance, I could see Alice, glowing ever so beautifully, smiling at me. Thank you, Alice. You've meant so much more of a good friend, and you're definately more that I could've ever wished for.

♥ My World My Life

5:29 AM

♥ Saturday, May 16, 2009

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 7, feelings.

I looked at Joel who was drawing in the sand. So much has happened. Ever since that day when Joel said that Alice was dead..

But since then, I've been having this strange feeling. Somesort like my own chemical reaction. I've never felt like this before, and I'm scared. I mean, of course I'll get scared. But I seriously wonder if this is normal. I still think of Alice from time to time, but not so much now, as Joel has been with me, occupying my thinking space. I guess this is a good thing, I've been having dreams of Alice telling me to forget her. I don't want to forget her, but at least, she'll still be in my heart. I know she'd be there for me somehow.

*splash*
*Joel starts laughing*
I looked back at him, then at myself, who was wet all over. He kept laughing, and I jumped into the water to join in. Whenever I'm with him, there's this certain feeling that I'd preferbaly describe it as 'heart warming', 'secure', and other things that make me smile. I don't know why, is it cause I'm weird? I wish Alice was here to guide me. Of course I've made more friends, but none of them gave me the feelings I had with Joel. Maybe.. Could it be? That I actually like him? Maybe, maybe not. I don't know what love is, anyway. I've read stories about it, that I did. But all of them didn't explain what I was feeling now.

We walked out of the shallow waters and decided to head home. Mom keeps eyeing at me with those eyes. Like, I know what's happening, and I like it, those type of expression. We headed to my room, anyway. There wasn't much to do but sit and talk, so we did that anyway. He didn't even once talk about Alice, knowing that I'd break down once he did. It has been months since that day, when he pulled me into his arms. Ever since, many people are starting to get the wrong idea that we're dating. Are we? I guess not. He didn't asked me to be his girlfriend or anything, so I guess we're not dating?

The room was filled with a hushed silence. 'Joel..?' I asked. He was awfully close to me, and I could hear his faint breathing. He looked up at me. My door creaked open silently, and my mother's hand reached in for the light switch and flipped it. I stared in horror after the door closed. At least my table lamp was on. By now, my room was quite dark and there was sort of a romantic feel to it. Joel rested his chin on my shoulder. My heart started doing it's own marathon. I just hoped that he wouldn't hear my heart fluttering away. 'Joel..?' I asked again, this time uncertain and unsure. 'Shhh, don't say a word,' He said, placing his fingertip on my lips. My mind was racing. This shouldn't be happening, right? But I ain't doing anything, is it cause I want this to happen? Is it really true that I like him? It was awfully quiet, but I didn't seem to mind, either.

He leaned closer and whispered something in my ear.
What was that? I tried to analyze what he just said.
'I..' 'Love..' 'You.'
Those three words repeated itself over and over again in my head.
I stared with opened eyes.
I didn't know that, what should I do?

Before I knew it, I had repeated the words to him. We stayed like this for what seemed like forever, and I was enjoying every minute of it.

♥ My World My Life

7:59 PM

♥ Saturday, March 14, 2009

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 6, Goodbye Amber.

-Alice's point of view-

"Alice, are you ready?" Benjamin asked. "Benjie, are you sure? Amber would be.." I stuttered, not wanting to know. "Devastated?" He completed my sentence for me. I nodded my head. "Well.. She would, but look here, she had survived till now, and she's got Joel to take care of her. She'll be fine." Benjamin said, reassuring me. "But, she'll probably hate me, for not saying a proper goodbye.." I said, trailing off. "A dream is more than enough.But now, your job here on Earth is done. Rest in peace," he said. I closed my eyes, thinking of everything. Each and every memory that I had, flashed in my head, over and over again.

Goodbye Amber, have a good life with Joel, I wish you all the best.. I prepared myself for what I knew would happen next.

Benjamin takes his Angela seraphin, and places the tip on Alice's head. "Go now, for your job is done on Earth, you shall rest in peace in the hands of God," He said, tapping his Angela on her forehead, her stomach, followed by her left and right shoulder respectively. "Thank you Benjie," Alice said quietly, her eyes still closed. Benjamin smiled silently to himself. "Bless you," He added, before Alice burst into a million shattered brightly-lit crystals, along with a burst of multi-coloured lights, as a phoenix emerged from the biggest shard of crystal, heading for heaven.

I'll always remember you, Amber, my dear friend.
Treasure your life, live it to the fullest.
Remember, I'll support you in whatever decision you choose, and I'll always remember you.
No matter what happens, you'll always be the one true friend I love, always.
I'm sorry you didn't know of my death,
cause I lied, and you trusted me.
I didn't want you to know, anyway.
Cause I couldn't bear to see the look on your face,
that's why I came back.
I want you to be strong, and love.
I know you hurt,
I hurt too.
So the only thing I could do,
is to make you love again.
I'll be watching you in heaven.
I prayed silently, hoping Amber would hear me.

♥ My World My Life

4:52 AM

♥ Friday, March 13, 2009

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 5, Where's Alice?

"Alice, you okay?" I asked, coming forward, almost touching her hand. She just blinked, her eyes blank. "Don't!" She shrieked, pushing me away, onto the softness of my rug. Somehow I knew she wasn't referring to me. But the thing was, her fingers were ice-cold, stiff and rigid. It chilled me to my bones.

Then she slid her back against the wall into a crouching position. There she sat, sobbing like crazy. After which was a knock on my door. "Amber, open up!" My mother said impatiently. "Coming!" I said, after handing Alice a blanket to cover herself with. "Amber, can we talk?" my mum asked. The television was switched on downstairs, and I could hear my dad and his friends shouting, 'GOAL!' "Sure mum," I said, and closed my door behind me. We sat at the table and chairs outside my room, near the staircase." "Now Amber,..." My mother said, trailing off.

"I want to talk about you. Before we'd moved into this house, you'd always be around the house, finding something to do. But for these few days, after your visit to the beach where Alice died in," She cringed at the word 'died'. "You'll rush straight into your room after dinner," she said, her eyes straying away. We talked, but not for long, as I made an excuse to go back into my room, as I knew that Alice was waiting for me. I opened my door, and closed it quickly behind me, before mum changes her mind and come after me.

My eyes skimmed the room for Alice, but apparently, there wasn't any sign of her, while the blanket I handed to her lay crumpled in a corner of my room. I walked to the back of my bed, searching for Alice. Still, she was no where to be found. "Alice..?" I called out into the emptiness, my voice echoing through the walls of my room to my ears. I waited for a response, but there wasn't one, either. Suspicious much? I thought to myself. Maybe she had something to attend to. I hope Alice is okay, I thought, as I shuffled my feet, heading for bed.

Alice appeared in my dream that night. "Amber, I'm leaving, I can rest in peace now, knowing that you're fine, especially after meeting Joel. Remember, I'll always be with you, in your heart, no matter what." She said, flashing a smile in my direction, drifting away, fading into the hollowness. "Don't forget me, Amber.." I heard, before she disappeared completely. "Alice, Don't leave me!" I screamed, my voice echoing around, reaching my hand into the air. After a few moments, Joel walked in, with the most sweetest smile on his face. "Stay with me, forever," Was the last thing I heard before waking up, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Why are you so quiet today?" Mum asked, as I slowly ate my breakfast. "I dreamt of Alice," I said, trying to keep my facial expression neutral. "Aww honey, It's okay," my mum said, hugging me. I tried my best not to cry. Many days passed, and I hadn't seen or heard of her. Where's Alice? I thought. She promised me she'd stay.. After class, I got my things packed in a hurry, and dashed out of class when I was done. But as I made my way through the classroom corridors, Joel caught up with me and grabbed me by the arm. "Amber!" He said. "What gives?" I said, spinning around by my heels, until I was face-to-face with him. "Amber,..." He said, his expression softening.

He pulled me into his arms, and held me tight. "Amber, Alice is dead," he murmured, in a dead serious tone. I clasped my mouth, swallowing the truth, letting my feelings get the best out of me. By now, many people were staring. Somehow it felt right, to be together with Joel. But those words that he said, echoed in my hollow mind.

♥ My World My Life

11:48 PM

♥ Tuesday, March 10, 2009

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 4, Alice's past.

-Amber's point of view-

After school, Joel and I toured around the school campus, letting him familiarize with the surrounding classrooms, etc. After the so called 'tour', we sat down on a bench in the sky gardens, enjoying a nice cup of coffee. When we were done, he insisted on walking me home, and I had no other choice but to give in to him. He was the one supplying with topics to talk on, for what seemed to make time fly. I was really grateful that he did that, or else it'll be very awkward on the way home. I was glad that we had a chance to talk, even though it was only for a good 10 minutes.

After leaving me at my doorstep, he walked out of my gates, waving as he exited the entrance of my house. My mother opened the door slowly, and then dragged me in, closing the door behind her. Her face had a playful smirk. "Who's that guy? He's sure a good catch! Why didn't you bring him in?" Those questions she asked, one after another. "Mum,.." I said, dragging my sentence, placing my hand on hers. "First of all, he's a new student in my class, and I don't have any feelings for him. Anyway, I was just showing him around the school, and he insisted on walking me home," I said dully. "Well, you should've brought him in for tea, or something," my mother said, disappointed.

Later on during dusk, there was the familiar tapping rhythm on my balcony door. I drew my curtains partially open, and there she was, glowing faintly in the semi-darkness. I opened the sliding door slowly, and a strong gust of wind smacked my face, catching me off-guard. "It's too cold and windy outside, why not come in?" I asked, peering out into the darkness. "What if your parents come in?" Alice asked, shuddering. "They'll usually knock. Anyway if they do, you can just hide behind the bed," She just smiled faintly.

The room was silent for the long time, and Alice broke the silence first. "That guy, Joel, wasn't it?" She asked with a frown, as if trying to remember. "How did you know about Joel?" I asked, alarmed, facing her, my eyes widening.

-Alice's point of view-

"How did you know about Joel?" That question rang in my head. I sat on her bed, thinking hard. Truth was. I was watching her, ever since the day we met in the cave, by the beach. Usually she would be sitting on her bed or something, facing the sliding door, waiting for me to come. But for these few days, she'd do her schoolwork, after which crawl into her bed and fall asleep. I got curious and followed her to school today. Everyone seemed so consumed with that new guy. Amber didn't really seem interested in him, or bothered at the most, although he was quite good looking. It was only after school, when they were alone together, was when I could feel her change of mind, that this guy, she would want to be with.

"I..I.." I stammered, thinking of something to say, something that she'd believe in. She looked at me questioningly, but didn't rush me. "I heard of him, from my friend in your school," I blurted out, after thinking it would be something she would believe in.

-Amber's point of view-

I sat still thinking. Alice had a friend in my school? How did she even know which school I go to? It was a private school, after all. Did she follow me there? Or, or maybe, I had already told her that, but I forgot.I'm always rather forgetful, and I hated it. "Say, I didn't know you had goldfishes," Alice said, peering into my goldfish bowl. She suddenly tensed up, staring at the goldfish bowl. She took a step backwards, turned around and ran, her eyes wide with horror.

-Alice's point of view-

What came over me-was horrifying. Looking into the goldfish bowl, I saw myself in the distant, struggling to stay afloat. I was thrashing about, but it was of no use. Water got into my eyes, and it stung. My arms and legs ached, and I was going under. I didn't want to die, I thought, furiously trying to push the water away from me in vain. Amber is still waiting for me to return, I thought. I didn't want to leave her, wait, anyone, without saying a single goodbye. The water didn't help, making me heavier to stay afloat. Gravity didn't help, either, pulling me down. I mustn't.. Leave..Amber, I thought, sobbing. And I fell into the darkness, dreaming. Dreaming of Amber, the look on her face, when she found out I left her. And all along, my body was sinking..Sinking..

When I woke up from my state of unconsciousness, I was dripping wet. 'I'm alive?' I thought. Then I realised that was sitting on a small sandy island, big enough to fit me and a small coconut tree. That was when I saw what was floating in front of me-my body. Lifeless, as it is, it drifted along the current, like a rag doll. I clasped my hand over my mouth, and cried in pain.
That memory, which had been engraved in my heart ever since.

My back was pressed on the wall, my eyes still wide from terror. I started shaking my head, tears flowing out. "No..no, no, no.. NOOOOOO!!" I cried out in grief. I saw Amber's eyes, full of worry and concern on her innocent-looking face, Her hand, reached out to me, unsure what to do.

♥ My World My Life

6:23 AM

♥ Monday, March 9, 2009

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 3, Who's new?

I woke up, my head throbbing in pain. Ow.., I thought, my hand immediately shot up, rubbing the sore part. My vision was blurred, and I felt like my whole body went numb or something. "Amber! Carefully now, we don't want you to get another injury again," Was my father's voice. My vision cleared quite quickly, and I shut my eyes immediately due to the blinding white light. "What's this stupid bright light for?" I said, turning away. I could hear a switch flick, and the light got dimmer. "Lora, now," I could hear my dad whisper. "Amber honey, we need to talk." My parents said in unison, with a serious tone.

"About what?" I asked, wondering if they had found out about Alice. "It's you that we're worried about," My mother said in a seemingly worried tone. The last thing I ever wanted, was to make my parents worry for me. I heaved a sigh. "What seems to be the problem?" I asked. Dad spoke first. "Your mother and I are concerned about you. You seem so exhausted, with those dark eye circles, too. You seem less bubbly and you don't seem like yourself anymore. And look at you, nothing but skin and bones! And your complexion, it's gone from fair to pale. Did something happen?" He asked, hoping I would answer him honestly. "Yeah, I'm fine. It's just some work that made me stay up late at night," I lied without thinking. Shit, what was I thinking? I lied! Not to anyone, but my parents! I'm such an ass, I thought, kicking at the floor. Stupid, stupid, stupid. "Well, if there ever is anything wrong, don't forget that your dad and I would be here for you," My mother said calmly, forcing out a smile. She couldn't help worrying. Well, mum would always be mum.

After dinner, I rushed upstairs, looking for Alice in vain. Still, there wasn't any sign of her. "I guess I should be sleeping now, huh?" I asked Nanami, who's always following me around. How loyal, I thought. I woke up the next day to the smell of Bacon and Cheese. I sat there eating silently, while the little golden retriever waited impatiently for her food. That day, I walked to school wondering why Alice didn't stop to visit last night. There seemed to be a commotion in the cafeteria, but I headed to class, anyhow. My classmates came bustling in just in time for the school bell to ring. Gosh, I wonder why'd they'd come in so late today. "Hey Amber," Linda whispered. "There's this new guy in our class, you should check him out! Half of the school girls are already trying to get their hands on him!" She continued. "Oh, thanks for the info," I said, and continued in stroking my pen on the paper, drawing Alice and I by the beach.

"Class stand," Andrea, the class chairperson commanded. Everyone stood up at once, and waited for Mr Zen entered the class. "Today, we have a new transfer student. I hope that you guys would get along well and help each other out on the way," He said. The new guy, his hair a messy patch of dark brown, eyes a minty ocean blue, and to tip it off, an impish grin on his lips. I stood there glancing at him. Oh my gosh, he was totally cute. But then again, I don't really care. Whatever-his-name-is scanned around the small but homey classroom, only to find out the only vacant seat was beside me. "Joel, you'll sit beside Amber, then." Mr Zen said, pointing to the empty seat beside me.

At first the girls were like, "Ooooh Joel.." And then they went, "Stupid. Why does he get to sit with that tall, skinny, blond girl?" , "Why am I not the one with the vacant seat but her?", of course there were a few rude comments here and there, unexpectedly. The girls in my class were actually fine, and nice people. I guess I couldn't blame them, he was cute anyway. They're just jealous, I guess. I would be too, if my mind wasn't so full all the time. "Hey there, you're Amber, right?" The American accent greeted me. "Umm.. Yeah." I said, shifting my sketchpad nearer to me. "You draw too?" He said, looking curiously at what I was trying to hide from his view. "Yeah, do you?" I replied, amused. That was how we met. We've exchanged quite a number of questions that I didn't bother to count. And that's how we got to know more about each other.

♥ My World My Life

3:27 AM

♥

My Complicated Life ♥

Chapter 2, getting to know about me.

As it got dark, I got up from where I sat, a giant rock rising above the sea. "It's getting late.. Aren't your parents worried sick?" Alice asked. "I guess, so long as I don't get lost or anything, they're fine with it."
We met up almost everyday now, from dusk, she'd be at my balcony, and I'd sit outside with her, and we'd talk about almost everything and anything. My parents didn't know about this, though. Somehow I felt that I shouldn't tell them. Not yet, anyway. Sometimes Alice would come before dawn, and I'd accompany her till sunrise. I wondered why she always had to leave urgently. After all, no one knows that she was still alive. I noticed something else, though. These frequent rushing here and there although her footsteps were always silent, and she seemed to melt into the shadows after she'd climbed down the staircase from my balcony to the ground level.. There was just something about the grace with which she moved

At first it didn't bother me. I thought that she was just good at staying hidden. It was only after a few weeks that got me thinking. I couldn't find much, and I tried surfing the net. I didn't get much information, though. I was determined to ask her one day. But, what if, she was really dead? Couldn't be, I said, shrugging the matter off. I yawned sleepily as I hopped into my bed, pulling my covers till it reached my chin. Nanami has already jumped onto my bed, pacing about, finding a comfortable spot to lie down. "Hey Nana, you still remember Alice, don't you?" I asked Nana, while gazing up to my ceiling. She whined and snuggled up beside me. Though Alice made a point to visit me almost everyday, the fear in me, of losing her again, was edged into my mind. I didn't want to lose her, not ever again. I drifted to sleep not long after, dreaming of the past. Walking hand-in-hand to school when we were in elementary school. Being 17 this year, it wasn't really relaxing, juggling with a part-time job and high school work. I dreamt of us together, watching that movie that we've been dying to see, until you told me you were leaving to another country. With a blink of an eye, you disappeared into thin air, and the surroundings changed. From a bubbly cafe into a dark, lonely outstretched road. I was struggling to breathe, and there I was, falling, just falling into the darkness.

I woke up crying. I didn't want her to leave me. She was always there for me, even though we fought over stupid things like, Peaches taste better than Apples. And how you looked better in pink and not red. That night, I was consumed in my own world. Thinking of what to say, or what really happened to her. But it was of no use, it was exactly like a fish out of water. Alice, on the other hand, fished out a topic easily. That night, we watched the stars glimmer and shine in the pitch-black sky. After Alice left that morning, I walked downstairs woozily. My parents noticed that I looked a little paler these few days, and energy drained away, like a lifeless zombie. I didn't realise that my looks had changed quite drastically, since I was so occupied with Alice, too occupied, that I've neglected not only my health and studies, but my family as well. Later on that day, I was still thinking hard. Could it be that this is a dream, a lie? The clues were there, always running away before the sun rose. I later then decided it didn't really matter, since Alice was here with me.

A knock on my door interrupted my thoughts which flowed endlessly. My head was hurting, and I felt exhausted. "Amber, Amber honey, open the door," was my mother's voice. "Coming, mother," I said, placing the pillow to one side of the bed, smoothing down my skirt as I made my way to the door. "Amber, hurry up," was what I heard before I was engulfed in darkness.

♥ My World My Life

1:50 AM